reBlog from lezgetreal.com: Immigration Reform Must Include LGBT Couples

 

     In  the fight for immigration equality, grassroots group OUT4IMMIGRATION,  needs your urgent help. They are asking for you to please sign a Petition which can be found via their website or at www.change.org    All we want is a ”Point-and-click” a letter off to Senator Schumer and Congresswoman Lofgren, reminding them that comprehensive immigration reform will only occur if ALL families are included — including our LGBT families – The issue is building and the festering unknown is the possibility of our exclusion.  There are thousands of your brothers and sisters waiting to be reunited with their lovers/partners/spouses, as the case may be.  But there is no law for us AND we are specifically exluded by the law - As American we  cannot sponsor for our spouses under the Immigration law of thus United States of America.lezgetreal.com, Immigration Reform Must Include LGBT Couples, Nov 2009

You should read the whole article.

CRUSADES vs. GAYS – The Manhattan Declaration- where does it lead? Church’s Hate Gay Agenda

I wrote this Article for Lez Get Real and have received many anti-gay comments.:Feel free to go to LGR site and comment – thanks for your support   

UPDATED: By now we have all heard about the Manhattan Declaration put out by various religious right figures and groups urging, among other things, non-cooperation with laws that in any way recognize same sex couples. It has been condemned in many circles and for good reason.  Wayne Besen of Truthwinsout.org said the following: “This is a disturbing call for anarchy from a group of radical clerics and activists who believe they don’t have play by the same rules as other taxpaying Americans.”  And according to the blog Instaputz, there is another reason to not only oppose this document but also raise the alarm about it.   Some of the names those signing the declaration aren’t a surprise. They are the usual folks who oppose lgbt equality – Tony Perkins, James Dobson, Maggie Gallagher, Gary Bauer, etc.Bill, The Manhattan Declaration- where does it lead? Church’s Hate Gay Agenda, Nov 1940

You should read the whole article.

Shirley Tan Advocate Magazine’s Activist of the YEAR!

Congratulations to Shirley and Jay and the boys and mamy as well for being named ADVOCATE MAGAZINE’s  Activist of 2009.   This is well deserved.  However they may have been used in a way that could result in resentment from the community rather than the applause they deserve:

Here are the comments from Immigration Equality’s site after IE makes the announcement:

1. Quoting the Announcement by IE on their website:

Congratulations are in order for Shirley Tan (pictured here with her family), who has been chosen as one of The Advocate’s “People of the Year” for 2009.   Shirley, who testified before the Senate in June and was also recently featured in People Magazine, was chosen by Advocate editors as their 2009 Activist.  “There are two types of activists,” the magazine writes, “. . . those who revel in the spotlight, and those who would rather slink away from it when the speech is over. Speaking with Shirley Tan, who catapulted into national discourse following an early-morning arrest last January by Immigration and Customs Enforecement agents in her Pacifica, Calif., home, you get the sense that she’d prefer going back to relative anonymity.”  But, the magazine notes, Shirley “is visible, but not eagerly.”    “I’m certainly not used to this,” she told The Advocate. “I’m just an ordinary housewife, living my own life, doing everything for my kids and my family. But this is what I have to do now. It’s not only for our family, but the 36,000 binational couples who are relying on UAFA.”

 Indeed, Tan has become a passionate and effective advocate for binational families. In addition to her testimony before the Senate, she has also met with White House officials and spoken out widely in the media about the need to pass immigration reform that will help families like hers.  All of us at Immigration Equality applaud – and thank – Shirley and her family for their extraordinary work. We are proud to be standing with them to end our country’s discriminatory immigration laws.

 To read the full write-up about Shirley, pick up a copy of the December/January issue of The Advocate, on newsstands now. “

HERE are the first seven comments including my own – number 7….

1. Check this out on Wall Street Journal:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125816110639347917.html
If they are the key players for the immigration overhaul, we might be screwed, especially with Rep. Luis Gutierrez’s bill because he is a co sponsor of UAFA, but under his bill, he did not include us in his bill. On the other hand, Chuck Schumer is also a big supporter of UAFA, but whether he will include us in the bill remains unknown. Unless we can gain momentum for UAFA, let’s keep fighting for the inclusion of bi national couples in the bigger immigration bill. If we don’t do anything, we will be ignored and defeated again!! Comment by Chung Cheng Fang — November 14, 2009 @ 11:08 pm

2. I am so sincerely happy for this family. At the same time, disappointed that all of us are not being afforded the same opportunity with extended stays for our partners, etc. We all deserve the same attention and “exceptions” – Again, I truly, am happy for you! Tom Comment by Very happy For the Tan Family But Disappointed For the Rest Of Us — November 15, 2009 @ 4:32 am

3.We don’t yet know if Gutierrez has included us. His bill hasn’t been introduced yet. The House version of the CIR will be introduced in December. Or perhaps I missed something. Comment by nola — November 15, 2009 @ 10:02 am

4. There is a lot of talk about moving Immingration reform to the top of priorities for Obama…ARE YOU ON IT IE? We need to be in there getting our rights! Comment by Brian — November 15, 2009 @ 12:30 pm

5. re – the talk about moving immigration reform to the top of priorities – where is this information coming from or is it hearsay? Comment by Where Is This Talk Comming From — November 15, 2009 @ 3:51 pm

6. It would really piss me off if any immigration bill didn’t include UAFA. I think I would leave and never come back to this country again. It would be disgusting if 12 million illegal immigrants get in front of someone that has been in the usa legally, and has been in a relationship with an American citizen for almost 4 years. Comment by Gerry D — November 15, 2009 @ 11:15 pm

7. MY COMMENTS :- This week I testified together with Shirley Tan at a symposium with the Immigration Commission in San Francisco. Nancy Pelosi sent a staffer as did Zoe Lofgren. The symposium had a group of panelists including Professors at Law schools etc.  NCLR was invited and did not show up. IE had no rep there either.  There were no panelists to speak for UAFA- yes at a symposium that was looking for advice on Immigration Reform, which will report to Mayor Newsom and the Sf BOS. My testimony will be published on my BLOG at www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com.  Caught in IE’s strategy I did promote UAFA as a component of CIR and asked the commission to work on behalf of its locals to ensure that UAFA is included in CIR. Afterwards a  key Immigration Organization insider in D.C. who was on the panel suggested that IE had made a big mistake – that we should have pushed for UAFA as a stand alone. This is something I have been writing about since June 4th, 2009. I brought Shirley and Jay to IE and worked as the lead advocate and strategist on Shirley Tan’s Private Bill. I promised Julie Kruse of IE that Shirley would advocate for UAFA, as she had given me her word in exchange for my pro bono work.  Indeed instead IE used Shirley to promote UAFA as a component of CIR.  A strategy I would only have pursued AFTER exhausting all opportunities to get UAFA moving on its own. Shirley and Jay have innocently followed their lead.   A mere few made this decision on behalf of all binationals.  The grassroots have had no control over this as only IE has an effective lobby with the HILL and no other LGBT organization seems to show much interest in UAFA. IE left Shirley with no choice but to advocate for CIR.  I just want to be clear- that if UAFA is not in CIR – Shirley was used by IE for their own strategy and should not be blamed.   If UAFA is in CIR, it may be very bad for us because then we can  no longer promote it as a stand alone and we will be at the mercy of the bigger Immigration Lobby, including the faith based groups who are anti LGBT.  If we are NOT included it could be very bad because then UAFA may be perceived as DOA…. Basically we are screwed either way. HOWEVER maybe it is best left out and we can be sneaked in -in committee – we have our necks in a very tight noose right now, the noose of IE strategy and the components that were not thought through.  I hope that this will have all LGBT and friends call reps tomorrow to sign on to UAFA NOW, regardless of CIR!!!

 I am documenting this note in the hope that you will remember that Shirl and Jay are innocent bystanders who got caught up in a situation and have been inadvertent activists. If anything goes wrong it will not be for lack of trying on their behalf to help others. It would have been much easier for them to remain silent.

Thanks for the visit and the support……

see also http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/14/us/politics/14immig.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&emc=eta1&adxnnlx=1258204566-/N+R+Iaj0/ko10FvCIrdmQ

reBlog from Dprosenthal: Rep Woolsey Calls For IRS Investigation of The Roman Catholic Church

I found this fascinating quote today:

Rep. Woolsey stated that churches in her district are careful to keep their activities non-political. Many LGBT-Americans would wish that were completely true. The recent battle in Maine showed just how willing the Catholic Church is to get involved in political matters if it regards the social agenda that they are pursuing.Dprosenthal, Rep Woolsey Calls For IRS Investigation of The Roman Catholic Church, Nov 2009

You should read the whole article.

reBlog from lezgetreal.com: AS NY assembly shelves gay marriage vote… we must start the Great Big Gay PR Campaign

 This is what I thought after yet another big equality disappointment – the Choir has heard enough

Melanie Nathan’s Comment  :  This is just too much.  I keep thinking why do they disapprove of us?  Why are we so badly thought of  by our fellow Americans-  that they would not want to give us our equality?   It makes me realize that we need a PR Campaign. One where we can introduce our families to America. We must get out there and be visible. Perhaps activists in a less aggressive fashion. (Although there is room for that too! )  But we must march our families to the fore of public opinion.  By Showing America who we are and waht we do for our Communities and  Country.  We have depended for too long on Non-profits with itemized and limited agendas.  Although great progress has been made, most of America does not know who we truly are, that we are the same as they are. We must pitch stories to local press, volunteer in our communities, join Board and Committees, Be on the PTA, . Perhaps readers can comment on PR ideas.lezgetreal.com, AS NY assembly shelves gay marriage vote… we must start the Great Big Gay PR Campaign, Nov 2009

You should read the whole article.

reBlog from lezgetreal.com: Are Obama and Gay Inc planning to roll women under the bus to get a win on healthcare?

Thanks to my friend and colleague Paula Brooks for this important piece on Lezgetreal….. mel

Are Obama and Gay Inc planning to roll women under the bus to get a win on healthcare?Tagged with: Barack Obama    Health care    Health insurance    Human Rights Campaign    Pro-life    United States Senatelezgetreal.com, Are Obama and Gay Inc planning to roll women under the bus to get a win on healthcare?, Nov 2009

You should read the whole article.

HISTORY – BAR THE SHOUTING….HEALTHCARE REFORM…

I am unsure of the reproductive rights amendment – too scared to read…. Nonetheless, congratulations Nancy Pelosi – you worked so hard.  I will stay in the moment.

I wish the Democrats would learn the “Lockstep Tango”  Lessons will be given in the coming weeks… visit this BLOG again; details to be provided.

Political Proctologist speaks her mind: “The Anus and the Law”

Reprint from Lezgetreal -By Melanie Nathan  -   Maybe I did not get it. But watch the video of Dr. Ruth Jacobs on YouTube  to make your own assessment.  The first ever Political Proctologist, Dr. Ruth Jacobs speaks about the Anus and the Law…..

I was absolutely flabbergasted when I heard this crazy woman under the guise of Physician;  a sad sorry being.  How did she get that seat to testify. Oh goodness help us. I sunk into deep despair – yes optimistic me – so depressed to see this video – it hits me like a ten ton truck – the fight – the battle.  Is this really happening?

How does one fight prejudice – hate- fear – insanity? Is there a formula?  I am not sure if there could be any worse sign of the times than a highly educated professional displaying such ignorance. 

However today I awake to the reality of this Dr. Ruth Jacobs - a metaphor for the times – Maine, California, a never to be repealed DADT and DOMA – a few miserable tokenistic crumbs  hailed as progress;  - and what do we get Ruth Jacobs equating my right to marry to an anus and what should come out and not go in.  

Shame America! Shame that you allow such bigotry to taint the true value of this Country and the dream we all share.

 

 

Maine and California – “BAN DIVORCE” – next obvious step for the Sanctity of Marriage

Proposition 8 if not invalidated bu Courts, will create an awful and scary precedent.

  Read my post on LEZGETREAL Blog site its serious now oh and boycott Maine Lobster – not Kosher: 

Indeed the next obvious step is legislation that prohibits one’s right to divorce.  Divorce is not an inherent right; it is one that is granted by specific statute. For example in California there would be no divorce if the Family Law Code did not deal create it. It gets worse – Divorce involves one spouse suing the other for divorce.  In California the first paper served by a plaintiff spouse on a defendant spouse reads “SUMMONS- You Are Being Sued.”  How bizarre – to separate church and State in this fashion.  It is an abomination to the sacred right of marriage to think that after spouses have said “till death do us part” that one may sue the other for divorce and that our law allows that to happen.lezgetreal.com, Maine and California – “BAN DIVORCE” – next obvious step for the Sanctity of Marriage, Nov 2009

You should read the whole article.

THE MAINE EVENT

reBlog from lezgetreal.com: SkyWest Treating Calfornia Same-Sex Marriages As Unequal

11/01/09-by Bridgette P. LaVictoire

Marriages stemming from the time when California accepted and recognized same-sex marriages are not being recognized as being actual marriages according to a married gay couple in California.lezgetreal.com, SkyWest Treating Calfornia Same-Sex Marriages As Unequal, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.

reBlog from lezgetreal.com: Taylor Swift A Nazi – Or a Joke -You decide?

I blogged today for LGR and this is what I had to say….    

You cannot go platinum a gazillion times and get away with this one. However seems popular darling and singing sensation may well get her pass, at least from those who do not have a clue. But for this lesbian Jewish woman, there is no pass.  While the blogs ablaze with comments senseless, I wonder how no-one gets the “JH” on the T Shirt. This is a coincidence!  She never meant it as JH= “Jew Hater.”  She does not mean it , nope she is just too pretty to mean it, her voice is too good for her to mean it…even though she has her arm around a swastika bearing little Nazi.  Well seems no one has thought of  JH=“Jew Hunter.” Either way I demand an explanation and a heartfelt apology, unless of course she really does mean it! Then she can own it and kiss her career goodbye.lezgetreal.com, Taylor Swift A Nazi – Or a Joke -You decide?, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.

reBlog from PaulaBrooks: Obama Signs Matthew Shepard Bill

 At last…

In front of an East Room audience that included, Vice President Joseph Biden, Attorney General Eric Holder, Members of Congress, Department of Defense senior civilian and military officials, the Shepherd and Byrd families, Mrs. Vicki Kennedy, and members of the Kennedy family, Obama said before signing the bill, “After more than a decade of opposition we passed inclusive hate crimes legislation to help protect our citizens from violence based on what they look like, who they love, how they pray or who they are.”PaulaBrooks, Obama Signs Matthew Shepard Bill, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.

Melanie Nathan Calls for Moratorium as US Citizen’s Brazilian

Tuesday 27th October I blogged for :

Melanie Nathan Calls for Moratorium as US Citizen’s Brazilian  same-sex husband denied asylum ..

Tagged with: Brazil    Brazillian    Defense of Marriage Act    DOMA    John Kerry    Junior Oliveira    Kerry    Marriage    Melanie Nathan    Obama    Same-sex marriage    Tim Coco    UAFA    United States    Uniting American Families Act    USA

BOSTON — Associated Press reports today that a gay Brazilian man has been denied asylum by the Obama administration and won’t be reunited with his Massachusetts husband in the U.S. It is reported that Tim Coco, the US citizen binational spouse said that  Attorney General Eric Holder did not act on a Friday deadline in the case of Genesio “Junior” Oliveira, effectively denying the 30-year-old Brazilian man’s request for asylum in the U.S. on humanitarian grounds.

This is not the first time a gay man from Brazil has been denied an immigration path through marriage to theUSA.  The other case involving a Brazilian is that of the husband of US citizen Gordon Stewart, as Pfizer employee who is now living in exile in the United Kingdom so he and his spouse can live their marital relationship.

 In June 2009, Gordo, together with Shirley Tan provided oral testimony before Senator Leahy and other Senators on the Senate Judiciary Committee in the hope that the Uniting American Families Act would engage congress enough to do something about the inequities in our immigration law.

 Coco said, “We needed the Attorney General to make a decision on whether Junior could come home,” said Coco, 48, of Haverhill. “He didn’t take this request seriously.”  It seems as if the Justice department has yet to respond to questions about this case.

 In 2002, Oliveira had sought asylum in the U.S. apparently basing his case on a rape as a teenager in Brazil.  But an immigration judge denied his request.  The Associated Press noted that it does not typically name rape victims, but Oliveira speaks openly about his case and is allowing his name to be used.

 Oliveira  and Coco married in Massachusetts in 2005 and bought a house together. However unlike other married couples in the US, gay marriages have no bearing on the immigration law that overtly discriminates against same-sex spouses.  The undeniable fact is that gays and lesbians are allowed  to marry in the US in under the law of certain States. Yet because of the Defense of Marriage Act they are precluded from federal rights which includes that provided by the Immigration and Naturalization Act.

 In March,Sen. John Kerry asked Attorney General Eric Holder to grant Oliveira asylum on humanitarian grounds.  Kerry spokeswoman Brigid O’Rourke said Monday that the senator will continue to work toward a solution that would reunite the couple for good. The fact is that if Tim and Junior were a heterosexual married couple, they would never have suffered through more than two years of separation,” said O’Rourke.

 The Uniting American Families needs it’s time now. While there are thousands of unpublicized stories in the shadows right now, many more are being exposed to Congress and yet Senators such as Kerry who favor the passage of UAFA are still failing in their leadership on the issues.  What is the point of advocating for individuals when you have the power of the legislation in your hands?

 Coco said he thought there was “no way” the Obama Administration would deny Oliveira’s asylum request after Kerry made his plea to Holder.  “We are profoundly sad,” said Coco. “This is more than any married should have to face.”

 AP reports, the case comes as Obama tries to smooth a rocky relationship with gay activists, who want him to end the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on gays, which he has pledged to do but hasn’t given a timeline. Tens of thousands of gay rights supporters marched in Washington earlier this month, demanding Obama keep his promise to end the policy.

 Coco said he has spent about $250,000 in legal bills and hasn’t seen Oliveira since January, though the two video chat online every night. A heterosexual sponsorship of a spouse costs $750-$1500 if you use an attorney.

 Oliveira was denied a visa to return to Massachusetts last year for the funeral of Coco’s mother. Gordon Stewart’s husband has been denied the right to visit his spouse’s sister who has cancer.  Gordon gave up a robust career wityh Pfizer. Although the company transferred him to the UK, he is unable to rise in the ranks as he may have done had he been able to continue his career in the USA headquarters.

 Coco said the couple plans to launch a legal challenge against the federal Defense of Marriage Act as a violation of immigration laws.

 That may be a worthy attempt but with my experience in this issue I believe that energy should be put into legislation – we should be calling all our Representatives in Congress and demanding the change we were promised.  Challenging this in the Courts will still yield one major shield for those who are not allowed to marry in their respective States.  Until marriage is uniform, UAFA ascribes the right to Permanent Partners, as the relationship that seeks validity to circumvent DOMA.  

  In the meantime, pending legislation, which must happen and soon,  I call on Senators Feinstein, Kerry, Gillibrand, Schumer, Frank to pave the way for binationals by enacting / introducing/Class Private Bill whatever it takes -a moratorium on all deportations of married LGBT spouses;  by providing a special Visa Program with status for married LGBT couples (perhaps one that can sunset pending a solution or legislation– similar to the R1 (religious workers visa program) for married lesbians and gay spouses.

 When I was in DC during August I spoke with congressional staffers and received an “interested” response to this idea. 

 The reason for this is based less on the privilege granted to ‘a would be immigrant,’ but rather based on the RIGHT – the CIVIL RIGHT of the American Spouse…. Never since the days pre-civil rights movement has there been such a flagrant apartheid-esque practice perpetuated upon US citizens.  We do not have a right that other Americans have.

 O’Rourke said Kerry supports the couple’s legal challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act, which limits how state, local and federal bodies can recognize partnerships and determine benefits. He also called for a law to extend benefits to domestic partners. This I personally find outrages. Why does Senator Kerry not get behind the REPEAL of DOMA.  Congressman Nadler has had the courage to introduce it in the form of the Respect of Marriage Act.  Why is he talking Domestic Partnership.  Another incremental crumb? I don’t want to hear that word…Domestic Partnership.

 This month, Obama called on Congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. Well do it. This case is one in thousands. We need our remedy now. I am not available for a life on hold. Neither is Mr. Coco and others whose names remain private at this juncture.

Senator Gillibrand Tells LGBT audience to PUSH Reps for UAFA…. Must be passed by the Spring….

Today a Binational married lesbian couple (names private) attended Senator Gillibrand’s meet and greet at the LGBT Center in NYC. They went armed with a letter setting out their dire circumstances, including reference to the unconscionable detention suffered by one of the spouses. 

After asking the pertinent question about the passage of Uniting American Families Act (UAFA)  and its relationship to comprehensive Immigration reform (CIR) , the Senator spoke specifically of an integrated approach. Privy to this information through my advocacy on behalf of this particular couple I was told- “Meeting with Sen. Gillibrand was great; she’s indeed a great advocate for the LGBT community. She seems a very authentic person, genuine, kind and responsive, sensitive to all matters regarding LGBT issues. The Senator referred to Sen. Schumer who is writing the bill. She also said that CIR and UAFA should be on the table by the end of this year, so it can be passed by spring.  She stressed the fact that it is important to have things dealt with before March. They’re going for an integrated approach.”

This may be interpreted to confirm that CIR will in fact include UAFA, when introduced by Senator Schumer.  However in August of 2009, when I asked Julie Kruse of Immigration Equality why would we be concerned that an overt champion of UAFA and LGBT issues such as Schumer would fail to include LGBT in CIR,  she cautioned that there was no guarantee that Senator Schumer would  in fact include UAFA.  However it would seem that Senator Gillibrand may now be providing some valuable insight as to what we can expect.   

That said, we must take heed of the Senator’s most fervent suggestion. We cannot ignore the overt and bland advice when she told her participants today that she recommends we push, push and push for the legislation now.  That we write like we have never written before and specifically that we bombard our representatives, urgently.  I know out4Immigration is doing an amazing job in the 34^th week of their letter writing campaign, but it is not enough and they cannot do it all. We need to hear from our brothers and sisters in the community who may not be directly impacted by this. 

The Senator emphasized the importance of Senator Schumer introducing Immigration reform legislation by year’s end; and the fact that it is imperative that the legislation passes by Spring 2010, the latter in her estimation possibly being a last opportunity.

I challenge every single person reading this, regardless of whether their rep is supportive or not of the Uniting American Families Act, to get 5 members of your community, friends, family to write and simply as follows: “Where do you stand on Uniting American Families Act and will you support it in comprehensive immigration reform. What are you doing to ensure this legislation passes before the Spring.” That’s all you have to do!!!

At the moment though, everybody is focused on DADT  (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell) as priority and that seemed to dominate the conversation, especially given that Lt. Dan Choi was there to introduce the Senator.

A community, advocates and activists, thank Senator Gillibrand for holding the meet and greet on this perfect Sunday.  In doing so she clearly displays her championship of our equality and that there is a good chance she could step forward to lead the more timid amongst our allies

Updated: 

Video with compliments of  The New Civil Rights Movement.

Blogged by MELANIE NATHAN,  CEO of Private Courts, Inc.  Communications, public policy consulting, mediation & private advocacy; motivated by injustice, I blog about family, law, mediation, politics, news and LGBT equality and anything that ‘tickles my fancy.’ Otherwise blogging as O-blog-dee-o-blog-da. Websites and blogs include: http://www.privatecourts.com; http://www.divorcemediators.us; www.lezgetreal.com. Contact Nathan@privatecourts.com

So Sandra, “Whatever It Took,” you did GOOD BABY!…

 Before last night when did I last hit that vein?   Sheraton Universal Studios?   Somewhere around 1987– some lesbian organization fundraiser gig?  My dose – Sandra  Bernhard – slipping through my two decades of Bernhard withdrawal – from what was then to what is now!

That very –always- fabulous- epoch, eventually immortalized by The L Word, and that could not even come close to a true depiction of the time, that sassy time, the West Hollywood Lipstick Lesbian Era – a time to behold.  We went from drudge to pretty, from VW to Limo, from silent to noisy.  Sharon, from King Solomon’s Mines to Basic Instinct.  Peg and I asked Paulette if we could bring cousin Hilda to her party and so we stopped at The Pleasure Chest”  and named the Blow up lady, Hilda.

Our novel sexual revolution brazenly played out on our very own stage, where one night was a rehearsal for the next.   We got better and better at it.   Never before was more fun had by a red-lipped bunch of gal dudes, who ‘toiled their own tude,’[i] with a “prevailing beat[ii] “ unlike any other , on dance floors rented one night at a time, by would be dyke entrepreneurs. (mmm … perhaps would be entrepreneur dykes..I don’t know!)

Waking up with grazed elbows naked in a cul-de-sac in Trousdale Estates to find a strange woman asleep beneath me?  Nah that was not me maybe it was someone else’s dream.   Gay marriage? Not bloody likely –Oh yes I am dreaming – a long gone time that within moments may well renew.   But now is not then and it is now… so what will be as I now attend my dreams  in preparation for another dose.

As Ms. Bernhard appears glamorously adorned on the Razz Room Stage I check my cell phone neurotically ensuring that my four and twelve year old girls have not called in with some catastrophe.  Relieved, I sit back determined to enjoy;   little did I know I would revel in the delight of a sobering and renewed Sandra Bernhard.  Indeed the show exceeded my expectations.  For years I have isolated myself in my work and kids. Silly me to think that the big night out would be a throwback experience, where I would hear the slam slash throat lesbian jive again.   Notwithstanding my momentary nostalgia I must give Ms. B credit for maintaining her unique self in this updated context, a concomitant of the journey, long embarked now morphed into a maturity that belies the past. Her re-surfaced style reflects  her own Jewish mother-ness and one, who like me, has atoned in so many ways, reflecting a love for Israel and the mystical offerings of our changed age.

 So despite myself and despite what I thought it would be, I was able to relate to everything.  To the current affairs, political chatter, celebrity gossip, all tuned to a Bernhard-esque key.  A well-honed musical talent revealed a surprisingly beautiful singing voice, and a new album to boot. So Sandra, “Whatever It Took,”  you did GOOD BABY!…

Picture:- Melanie as a Lipstick lesbian 1995
Also blogged on http://lezgetreal.com/?p=22405 

The Show “Whatever It Takes”  at the RrAZz Room, Nikko Hotel San Francisco, – Go to Sandra Bernhard’s web page (link here)  to see tour dates. A highly recommend 

---

[i] I have the trademark on the phrase…

[ii] Okay another trademark

REMEMBER – SEEKING UPDATE..

Marriage Equality Foes Dealt a Blow -in Maine and California  REMEMBER THIS RULING – I AM TRYING TO FIND OUT IF THE RECORDS WERE RELEASED AND IF THEY WILL BE MADE PUBLIC.  IS THERE A TIME LIMIT  – TO HAND OVER?  KEEP YOUR EYE ON THIS SPACE BECAUSE WE WILL REPORT BACK….SOOOON.  MEL

Judge Orders  Prop 8 Campaign to hand over internal records. Judge Walker rocks. Second great ruling in favor of LGBT fight vs. Prop 8. Go your Honor, go!!  

 US. District Judge Vaughn Walker ruled on Thursday that the Protect Marriage campaign (Gay marriage foes) “had failed to show that providing private e-mails, memos and reports would inhibit the political activities of gay marriage opponents or subject them to unbridled harassment” and ordered them to be turnedover to the attorneys who are seeking to overturn Proposition 8.

The AP’s Lisa Leff reports: “The judge agreed with lawyers for two unmarried same-sex couples who have sued to strike down the ban, known as Proposition 8, that confidential communications between the campaign’s leaders and professional consultants could reveal a rationale for denying gays the right to wed that is relevant to the case. The lawsuit argues that the measure was motivated by hostility toward gays and as such must be struck down as inconsistent with the U.S. Constitution’s guarantee of equality…At the same time, the judge said the couples’ lawyers must limit their fact-finding request to cover only central issues and individuals, including Mormon and Catholic church representatives who served on the executive committee that oversaw the campaign. He also left open the possibility that he would restrict public access to the documents.”

The Judge wrote: “The First Amendment qualified privilege proponents seek to invoke, unlike the attorney-client privilege, for example, is not an absolute bar against disclosure. Rather, the First Amendment qualified privilege requires a balancing of the plaintiffs’ need for the information sought against proponents’ constitutional interests in claiming the privilege.”

Protect Marriage lawyer Andy Pugno objected:-  ”Giving the losing side of a campaign this level of information will discourage anyone from ever attempting to use the initiative process in the future, knowing that sensitive strategies will likely all become public if they prevail.  “   Melanie says:- … so friggin what!!!  -Mr. Pugno that is the very point. Maybe they ought to be discouraged from using the initiative process when it comes to stripping  a minority of their basic civil rights.  This is the game you chose to play and now you must bear its ultimate consequence.  As my late mama would say, “its all besheerd!”  In any event the intiative process was never designed to take rights away from people.  Schmendrik!

reBlog from lezgetreal.com: Senator Leahy and Rep. Nadler plea for inclusion and I SAY NOW…. NOW…

 I wrote this Article for Lezgetreal BLOG extraordinaire

The Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) of 2009,  would grant same-sex couples the same immigration benefits — and responsibilities — as opposite-sex couples, under the same existing legal framework.  It is cosponsored by 22 senators and 117 members of the House of Representatives and has the support of a diverse coalition of businesses and civil rights organizations, including the NAACP, the American Bar Association and the Anti-Defamation League. In highlighting some of the hardships, the article should be read, and more importantly the comments that appear thereafter.lezgetreal.com, Senator Leahy and Rep. Nadler plea for inclusion and I SAY NOW…. NOW…, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.   (Art work  by Melanie Nathan)

THE MAINE EVENT

Out4Immigration-like an Ever-ready Battery….

Melanie Nathan’s comment:- While some organizations focus on fundraising and remain furtive in their strategy, citing “we know best” while purporting to advance the cause of binationals in their self appointed autocracy, Out4Immigration remains consistent in its plan – a transparent one- and as always made public here is a note from OUT4Immigration posted by Amos Lim, unpaid volunteer at the helm:-

Amos Lim from out4Immigration

Week 34 – Please sign on to sponsor Uniting American Families Act

 “Out4Immigration is an all grassroots organization and our letter writing campaign is now in its 34th  week.  We have had successes in our campaign by getting more cosponsors on board.  We are also constantly adapting the campaign from feedbacks that we received from our members and from our allies. There are people who are interested in doing more than just simple cut and paste and after some discussion, we are incorporating those request into our letter writing campaign.

You now have three options in using the names and addresses of the targets we provide:

1) Send the Out4Immigration form letter (posted here) by changing the areas in bold only. If you choose this “form letter” option, you can sign the letter as a member of O4I and use O4I letterhead.

2) Write your own letter to these targets telling your personal story. If you choose to do this, please know that you must do this as an individual, not a member of Out4Immigration, and you cannot use the O4I name, letterhead or any other branding.

3) Send each target a self-made booklet that tells your story, shows pictures of your family, includes letters from your employer or others in the community identifying their support for you and the UAFA. Again, you should send this an individual, although you can use news clippings and links to organizations that advocate for same-sex binational couples like O4I,  Marriage Equality, –  See our toolkit: http://tinyurl.com/o4i-toolkit1 for more ideas. Obviously, this option will take up more of your time and money — and will have to be sent via snail mail. 

Each week we try to provide a general email address that will accept emails from anywhere in the world (not just the representative’s constituents).  However, some Reps and Senators have chosen to limit their email and you won’t get through unless you live in their district. That’s why we also provide a fax number and the snail mail address.

Whichever option you choose (and please, choose at least one!) know that you are making a difference — and please don’t give up!”

Please join out4Immigration in its quest to help our gay and lesbian families in exile, in hiding or living in uncertainty. we should not have to choose between our heart or home.  Also remember we are all one heart beat away from falling in love with a foreigner.

see additional commentary on this post at http://lezgetreal.com/?p=22326

reBlog from lezgetreal.com: Gillibrand tweets… she is meeting with DoD officials today to discuss DADT

Gillibrand tweets… she is meeting with DoD officials today to discuss DADTTagged with: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell    Kirsten Gillibrand    New York    Twitter    United States Senate Committee on Armed Serviceslezgetreal.com, Gillibrand tweets… she is meeting with DoD officials today to discuss DADT, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article.

reBlog from Melanie nathan: Rep. Sestak Pulling Close To Arlen Spector In Recent Polling

 I am switching my support to Joe Sestak – the extent of my publication of my support and on going coverage shall depend on responses to questions I have regarding UAFA/ CIR and RMA – repeal of DOMA.

10/15/09-by Bridgette P. LaVictoire This primary election may be the swan song for Senator Arlen Spector, the on again-off again Democrat who had hoped to not have to run in a primary where he got knocked out of contention, but recent polling is showing that his Democratic Primary opponent, Representative Joe Sestak is catching up to him with the primary election some months off. What is more, a large majority of Pennsylvanians seem to be ready for a new Senator.Melanie nathan, Rep. Sestak Pulling Close To Arlen Spector In Recent Polling, Oct 2009

You should read the whole article. Any experiental comments are most welcome…. as are opinions …

Judge refuses to throw out Prop 8 Challenge- while arraigning anti-same sex marriage Rhetoric

 When a most unusual October mega storm left our Bay Area, with downed electrical lines and trees in it’s a wake, we breathe a delightfully fresh aroma with another unique event– but this one we like…for the first time a Federal Judge in San Francisco asked the backers of California’s voter-enacted ban on same-sex marriage to explain how allowing gay couples to wed threatens straight marriages.  Much to my personal delight the lawyer for the supporters of Prop 8, Charles Cooper acknowledged he did not know.  

U.S. District Chief Judge Vaughn Walker, wants to examine other issues that are part of the political rhetoric surrounding same-sex marriage but rarely surface in courtrooms. Among the questions he plans to entertain at the trial are whether sexual orientation is a “fixed or immutable characteristic, whether gays are a politically powerful group, and if same-sex marriage bans such as Proposition 8 were motivated by anti-gay bias.”   

This refreshing exchange between the Judge and Cooper, came during a hearing on a lawsuit challenging the measure as discriminatory under the U.S. Constitution. Cooper had asked Walker to throw out the suit or make it more difficult for those civil rights claims to prevail.

The judge not only refused to toss out the case, but asserted that when the case goes to trial in January, Cooper and legal team are expected to present evidence showing that “male-female marriages would be undermined if same-sex marriages were legal”. …We love it….! 

The Judge noted that the ban on same sex marriage proposes that gay marriages are not “naturally procreative relationships,” and so we must have an answer to  the question “What is the harm to the procreation purpose you outlined of allowing same-sex couples to get married?” Walker asked. “My answer is, I don’t know. I don’t know,” Cooper answered.

Moments later, after assuring the judge his response did not mean Proposition 8 was doomed to be struck down, Cooper tried to clarify his position and tried to fluff out an amended yet unconvincing response.  

Lisa Leff, of Associated Press  reports that “Walker pressed on, asking again for specific “adverse consequences” that could follow expanding marriage to include same-sex couples. Cooper cited a study from the Netherlands, where gay marriage is legal, showing that straight couples were increasingly opting to become domestic partners instead of getting married. “Has that been harmful to children in the Netherlands? What is the adverse effect?” Walker asked.  Cooper said he did not have the facts at hand.”

Then came the ridiculous notion “But it is not self-evident that there is no chance of any harm, and the people of California are entitled not to take the risk,” he said.”  I personally loved this part of the banter:- “Since when do Constitutional rights rest on the proof of no harm?”

In allowing the case to move forward, Walker said significant questions remain about whether the California measure, which was approved by 52 percent of voters in November, unlawfully violates the rights of gays and lesbians to equality and due process guaranteed under the U.S. Constitution. The measure overturned a state Supreme Court ruling earlier in the year that legalized same-sex marriages. As one of 18,000 gay couples wed before the law took effect, I remain in a state of discomfort as my special status highlights the fact that others cannot marry.

I am ecstatic, that not only did the Judge rule that the case must be heard but also that he is challenging years of conservatives homophobic and unsubstantiated rhetoric which has served only to steal our inherent rights. That is what will be on trial- the Bull-poop that is spewed as fact by those who simply cannot face the fact that we are who we are and we are absolutely and equally entitled.  Their fear engendered hate can no longer hide behind the rhetoric that fuels it. 

Although this does not denote a decision in favor of Gay marriage, to me given the challenge it is a huge victory, because the Court finds it necessary to keep unconstitutionality in play against a voter based assault on our inherent constitutional rights.

  http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hVLXVV6bmG_wjIN5b_AzLQvPaKiwD9BB6SB80

Pyjama Blogger requests an interview with Joe Solmonese

I am one of the PJ Bloggers the Whitehouse was recently referring to but do not allow that to give me any credit nothwithstanding the 24,000 that have read my blogs since February 2009, when I first started writing. Then I am a lesbian, but just a plebian one- so that may not work either.

Maybe this will provide me with some worthiness or credibility - I am a personal advocate having prevailed where LGBT organizatons refused to help stating the cases had no merit and nothing could be done.  I was the personal advocate for Shirley Tan and also other cases where you refused to help which your organizatonal impetus,  such as getting lesbians and gay men out of unwarranted immigration detentions.  Now I hope this intro provides me with some acceptable credentials to earn your ear.

 I am requesting a ten minute telephone interview with Joe Solmonese.  I have been writing so negatively about his lack of responses to President Obama’s speech and I realize that my anger which fuelled my knee jerk reactions ought to be tempered with some answers to pivotal questions that came up for me during the President’s speech. 

This event and the fallout reminds me of the Queen and Princess Dianna’s death.  (no pun ever! ) Joe needs to come out and acknowledge the sadness of the people.  To commiserate not pretend all is well in the Kingdom  of HRC – because that is how we the peeps see your response.

The people who have waited so long for full equality did not want to hear separate but equal embedded and overtly strewed into the Speech.  But the President did say he wanted to be honest and that he was.  However in his role transcending mere host, Joe must stand up and say what HRC plans on fighting for and how – because as it stands it seems to me you are asking for donations for a non-existent momentum and for money to support our less than interests.  Remember the statement in the speech “as much as the law allows?”  How can we allow that to stand unchallenged?  It is disingenuous to say the least.  I would like to have these questions answered and an interview would be much appreciated.   Regards, Melanie Nathan

LGBT COMMUNITY – Resign JOE you have betrayed US!

Betrayed and resign

Andrew Sullivan calls for Joe Solmonese to resign!

Dear Joe Solomonese and HRC

From Melanie Nathan
To Joe Solomonese

October 11, 2009

Dear Joe,

Well done!  Last night was an amazing accomplishment having the President speak at your fundraiser dinner;  his speech was supportive, motivating and awe inspiring and I was quite moved by the validation, especially after being so let down by President Clinton signing DOMA into law and the passage of Prop 8 here in California.  After so many years of fighting, we get a resounding nod out of Washington.   The validation for those 37 minutes was short lived as   when the ‘rah rah’ was over the reality set in.  Words, words and more words- and what about marriage?  

 While writing my BLOG last night, I found myself being both critical and grateful at the same time  (www.oblogdeeoblogda.wordpress.com entitled I AM HERE WITH YOU IN THAT FIGHT and yet I give as much as the law allows?) Tossing and turning between the emphatic stance and the inadequacy of the detail, it left me wondering – how does this all translate into action?     Where will it go? Any quicker than thus far – and what about the big cop-out, the part that the pundits, activists, bloggers, commentators seem to have missed or have chosen not to mention. Here is how I described it in my Blog:-

 “However as the crowds enthusiasm escalated in familiar Obama engendered excitement, I could feel the expectation and the tacit drum roll as the President announced that he would see to it that “ LGBT couples would receive as many federal benefits and federal rights as much as the law allows”… the crowd went crazy… I think they thought he was heading on a path of overt commitment to the repeal of DOMA – and acknowledgment of our right to marry; but sadly he did not, instead he asserted this right to federal benefits by referring to a “domestic partners law” and did nothing new or different to endorse our right to marry under the civil law. The problem with saying “as much as the law allows” is the contradiction – DOMA ensures that the “LAW DOES NOT ALLOW!” So my mind was begging –“Mr. President please tell us how, when, you will ensure the repeal of DOMA – it is the Key – I do not want Federal benefits “as much as the law allows” because that is a big zero and I will get none. “

 This morning, as expected, I received your email, Joe Solomonese from HRC, and your promise “ In the days and weeks ahead we’ll move quickly to capitalize on this momentum?”   What momentum may I ask?  What did the President say that provides this so called momentum?  Are you asking me to accept a campaign speech as momentum? 

 The sad truth Joe, is that you brazenly center your ‘DONATE NOW’ button as you ask for our support for you to ‘capitalize on this momentum.’ You are asking us to pay you to condone the most significant and yet painful aspect of the speech –where the President expressly pronounced us ‘separate but equal!’  He blatantly stated that we would get Federal Benefits “as much as the law allows.” Well right now it allows zero and nothing hence begging the question – the  President’s commitment to repeal DOMA – was bittersweet as instead of asserting our right to marry at the helm of this repeal, he threw in the words a DOMESTIC PARTNER ACT.  What the heck was that?   He thus specifically denounces our right to marriage equality as a prerequisite to receiving federal benefits – when – who the heck knows? This clear statement a tacit reminder, tantamount to an assertion, that he is opposed to same sex marriage is further endorsed by his failure to mention marriages in DC, Maine or any other State initiatives.

 Do you not realize that this speech worked in direct contradiction to our champion Jerrold Nadler’s recent introduction of the respect for marriage Act?

 Joe, what momentum? One where we agree to no marriage? I certainly hope not.  Before you ask for our money can you tell us your plan and your thoughts and where you think this is going?  Lets see if we agree. Lets see if the community at large agrees with your strategy.

 Unless you go for the ALL and consult grass-root communities about strategy, and become more inclusive in your process, – you will not get my money!  I am spending my money to get to D.C.  myself, to lobby for what I want for me, my family and my community and that is nothing short of full equality, one where my marriage is legal and respected, and which will grant me the exact benefits that all heterosexual married couples in US receive. I do not want to be a victim of “as much as the law allows.”  

I challenge all of you who are inclined to donate to the patronizing promoters of anything less than FULL equality, to take those hard earned dollars and some hours or days of your working time and to show up in D.C.  at the offices of your Representatives.  We must tell out stories ourselves and stop depending on these self appointed leaders who purport to speak for us all.  We must go to DC now and ask for the REPEAL OF DOMA, during this 111^th congress. 

There were 250,000 people at the March.  Can you imagine the impact if another 250,000 of us showed up at the doors of our respective reps asking what they are doing about DOMA and RMA?  UAFA – DADT ENDA – whatever.  My experience in D.C.  has taught me that the organizations are viewed for the most part as ‘nudgers’ and with some disdain, while constituents are the most important people to the  congressional representatives.  They want your stories and they need your stories.  So get creative and get out there – yourselves, individually or in groups. Cause mayhem if need be! Its enough! Its enough!

 —– Original Message —–

From: Joe Solmonese, Human Rights Campaign 

To: nathan@privatecourts.com

Sent: Sunday, October 11, 2009 7:13 AM

Subject: Obama speaks at HRC last night: watch the video

Dear Melanie,Just hours ago, President Obama took the podium at HRC’s National Dinner to talk directly to the LGBT community and our many friends and allies. Find out what Obama said – and be sure to share the news with your friends >> Today, thousands of people are marching on Washington to demand LGBT equality. And last night, President Obama told LGBT Americans that his commitment to ending discrimination in the military, in the workplace and for loving couples and their families is “unwavering”. He made it crystal clear that he is our strongest ally in this fight, that he understands and, in fact, encourages our activism and our voice even when we’re impatient with the pace of change. And we heard unequivocally about the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: “I am working with the Pentagon, its leadership and members of the House and Senate to end this policy. I will end Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. That is my commitment to you.” Finally, we heard something quite remarkable from the President: “You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men and two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman. It was an historic night when we felt the full embrace and commitment of the President of the United States. It’s simply unprecedented. In the days and weeks ahead we’ll move quickly to capitalize on this momentum. But right now, please watch what President Obama had to say, share this email with your friends, and know that your commitment means that we’re much closer to attaining real equality and protecting millions of Americans: http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/site/Ecard?ecard_id=1061 Thank you for being part of this historic fight with us. Warmly, Joe Solmonese President

This link is specific to you, so please take action on this campaign before you forward to your friends. Having trouble clicking on the links above? Simply copy and paste this URL into your browser’s address bar to take action today: http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/site/Ecard?ecard_id=1061

 

I AM HERE WITH YOU IN THAT FIGHT and yet I give as much as the law allows?

President Barack Obama 2009

I was skeptical about President Obama’s speech and yet hopeful. The short version of this post is that I was generally pleased. Of course I could highlight what was left out and the uncertainties that remain for our full equality, yet my ‘glass half full’ beckons and I succumb! Admittedly, the strongest language yet from this President and anyone ever in this office, it felt good to me personally. Alas I cannot I must indulge…. my real feelings pull between the half empty and the half full.  SO let me see reason…. as I incline toward I am here with you in that fight and yet I can only give as much as the law allows? Do we beg the question or do we beg?

Whereas I thought I may write about the context, the atmosphere, the protests, but that would fail the invitation by President Obama, to align in a joint endeavor. As a critic noting the slow progress and an advocate for the daily reality of our lives, I am concerned that the speech, although emphatic, serves as another delay – a call in essence for patience. I miss my equality NOW and that is why I want a timeline from the President. I wanted to hear something different. I wanted to hear more about the repeal of DOMA – the law that discounts our very essence.

The President acknowledged that same sex relationships are just as admirable and just as real as heterosexual relationships. He said that he will get rid of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ (DADT.) He specifically mentioned ENDA and noted it will pass, as well as the Mathew Sheppard hate Crimes Act which he said he would sign into law.

However as the crowds enthusiasm escalated in familiar Obama engendered excitement, I could feel the expectation and the tacit drum roll as the President announced that he would see to it that “ LGBT couples would receive as many federal benefits and federal rights as the law allows”… the crowd went crazy… I think they thought he was heading on a path of overt commitment to the repeal of DOMA – and acknowledgment of our right to marry; but unfortunately he did not, instead he concluded this right to benefit by referring to “domestic partners act” and did nothing new or different to endorse our right to marry under the civil law. The problem with saying “as the law allows” creates a contradiction – DOMA ensures that the “LAW DOES NOT ALLOW!” So my mind was begging –“Mr. President please tell us how, when, you will ensure the repeal of DOMA – it is the Key – I do not want Federal benefits “as much as the law allows” because that is a big zero and I will get none. 

Proposition 8 if not invalidated bu Courts, will create an awful and scary precedent.

Overall, it was a really good speech and crafted to illustrate the President’s alliance as if in Tandem in the fight for equality… the skill in the speech is that he took the heat of what HE could do and replaced it with what WE need to do. All in all positive and uplifting in its general message but fell short on specific details. The value is it definitely sets a different tone for acceptance and normalization of the LGBT community and our relationships.

I now note my disappointment at the limitations in language –because he could have gone all the way. Yet at the same time I realize that we still have to be patient and in our patience we have to fight for ourselves, everyday, because of the big mechanism and machinery involved in, as the President said “ laws to change and hearts to open,” and that is not going to be an easy task.

 So As LT. Dan Choi, said on CNN tonight, what he was left with was when the president asked us as a community to continue to hold his (the President’s) feet to the fire and for us to tell our stories, urge our representatives and educate our communities. So here I urge our readers, our leaders, our LGBT community, our families and friends to take the challenge. Please do not for one minute think that this alliance with the President invoked with his historic and moving declaration tonight “ I AM HERE WITH YOU IN THAT FIGHT” is a call to rest. Its a call to action like never before, firstly because we have an ally and secondly because we need to effect change sooner than process and time can allot. 

Because the President did not, I want to give a special mention (ok, hardly any compensation) to my binational friends either in exile, in detention, in hiding or waiting in terror for visas to expire and to remind the American conscience as it concerns itself with basic human rights, that the LAW DOES NOT ALLOW same-sex American citizens or residents to sponsor their spouses/partners for visa, residency or immigration to the USA. We have 98,000 (in my crude estimation) Binational couples, almost tripling the 2000 census. Unfortunately your plight went unnoticed in tonight’s speech, because even if we recognize Same sex relationships, even if OBAMA’s plan (as we have it) for our equality, respect and right to the “same admiration” as straight relationships, you are not included in any of tonight’s promises under the Immigration and Naturalization Act, until repeal of DOMA or passage of stand-alone legislation such as the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) or Comprehensive Immigration reform that includes LGBT, same-sex couples.  

 

OKKIES and proud of my CUZ…..

   Dear Friends –

My cousin Lauren is amazing- you should read her story.  Her career fascinates me not only because of her talent gift, success, but also as an example of a mother finding a gap in the market through her kid’s needs and then filling it!  

Lauren has generously provided my gals with beautiful attire and what is most striking is the quality and the feel of the fabric and comfort engendered by the design.  My kids love the clothes and they look kewl (quote.) 

 SO I invite you to look at her ‘third’ baby – http://okkies.com/main.php/okkies-boys-c-1 and also to note that most of the little models are  my leeeetle cousins.

 Quote from site’s ABOUT -  …”      Lauren: “In 1987 I returned to LA to broaden my freelance stylist and costume designer career. I created costumes for music videos, concert tours and album covers, adding Janet Jackson, the Rolling Stones and Sting, to my client list. I also collaborated with television and print-ad directors styling and designing costumes for A-List commercial accounts such as Coke, Nike, Budweiser, Cover Girl and Visa/MasterCard. ”       

http://okkies.com/main.php/okkies-boys-c-1    As Lauren says enjoy…. 

  SEE ABOUT PAGE ON THE OKKIES SITE :- “ In 2001 I added motherhood to my resume with the birth of Hugo and, later, Oscar – nicknamed Okkie by his big brother. Watching my two young, constantly moving boys was easier than finding boy-appropriate clothing. At that time, girls had many fashion choices, boys much fewer. I struggled to find comfortable, easy-care, hip boys’ wear. Choices seemed locked into a few silhouettes merchandised in standard demins, fleeces and twills, in boy-accepted primary colors. “

BTW I  noticed many a cover with celeb kids wearing Okkies…

AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

I have blogged this before but in the face of new developments in D.C. and the introduction of the Repeal of DOMA legislation by Jerold Nadler, (The Respect for Marriage Act)  I plan to repost this piece. I will do so once a month until we have repeal of DOMA.

http://wp.me/pqRPa-se

AS Prop 8 makes its way to the BIG COURT…. I revisit its impact on my child…

How the Hate  for 8 Hurt my Child……………………….

Before the California Court ruled  I asserted in my blog “The fate of California’s same-sex marriage hangs in the balance, as the Justices prepare their ruling on the challenges to the validity of Proposition 8.” Now is has ruled and the impact is so egregious that the most unlikely suspects are taking it to the highest Courts.  I truly believe it will be ditched and we will gain equality.  However in my probably lunatic attempt to influence the spiritual and ‘ karmatic’  I remind the Universe of the story of my children….. and republish this article…… first published May 20, 2009. at http://lezgetreal.com/?p=13261

In my house of two married moms, we remain overtly safe from this decision as long as it is not declared invalid retroactively. How will I explain that to my children? If the result is not favorable, I am  fight and my quest to faced with having to inform my children that gay and lesbians are no longer allowed to marry under the law of this State. The unfairness of being placed in this bewildering wait triggers memories of the pre-Prop 8protect my daughters from the worst pain imaginable “your family is not a family!”

My daughter, HC, is as well adjusted as any child; she has been around the world a few times, hence her sophistication belies her short twelve years. She is engaging and endearing and born to lead. Kind, loving and perceptive, when a toddler she earned the name “little Buddha.”  A keen, astute student, each year she adores her assigned teachers and tends to hold them in the highest esteem. They are her heroes and in turn she is their delight. This is a kid who never wants to miss school. She loves it!   When the California Court first ruled favorably for same-sex marriage we were the first lesbian couple to be married by our Rabbi, at our congregation temple.  My kids had a great time and together with twenty other kids all dressed in white walked down the aisle toward the ‘Chuppah’ in most traditional fashion.  It was a big event for our community and family came from around the world. My children were so invested in the wedding as for them it presented a validation and celebration of our little family of four.

Three months of gay marriage and then enter Proposition 8 together with the egregious advertisements facilitated by the millions of hateful dollars sent from Utah’s Mormon community to California, intent on promoting the proposition that would serve to outlaw same-sex marriage. The very idea of it, least of all a yes vote, served to insult our recently acknowledged family.

About two weeks before the November 2008 election and the impending prop 8 vote, HC and I were driving our route to school. We noticed that overnight what used to be one lone “No on Prop 8” on Central Avenue had morphed into a “NO on 8” at each and every home down our neighborhood’s main street. Later we found out that the lone sign outside the home a lesbian mom, kept getting torn down; day after day she would restore the sign until eventually overnight the entire neighborhood put up the NO sign in support of their neighbor. I remember remarking how amazing it was to see everyone in our midst against prop 8.

As we drove through the reasuring tunnel of “no on 8’s,” our comfort was short lived as we exited the micro and entered the macro – yes that nasty world at large reared its beastly head as amidst our usual morning tussle between Stephanie Miller and Radio Disney, an advertisement popped on the radio.

“……and your children will be forced to learn about homosexuality and gays it will be taught in the schools; ….. your churches will be forced to marry them… blah..”

I glanced at my child and noticed an odd expression on her usually placid face, one which I will not easily forget, and she asked, “Mom I don’t get what is wrong with other kids learning about my type of family?”  I was stunned!  The advertisement had placed a perspective calling for this very question; but why my child? We have lived our lives so openly and relish the good fortunate of our supportive community, where our ‘same-sex-ness’ is the least of our day to day issues.

It was as if HC had received a slap across her face. The advertisement had clearly hurt my child; its viciousness was not something she had been subjected to before. What could be worse than adults lashing out like that at children? It was direct and personal and having heard it before, was not personally outraged as when I realized the irresponsibility and how damaging those lies were to my babies. Now I had to come up with an answer to this ferocious fanaticism. I explained, “Hun, we live in a world where peoples are often so full of fear  which is usually because of ignorance,  – there are all sorts of different families – but they have usually only experienced their own. The unknown teririfies them; so they lash out in this way. What you heard on that ad, was unfair and contorted, but that is how the people who are against the idea of same-sex marriage think they can get other people to join their way of thinking.”  

 I provided more reassurance as best I could.   A few more questions and answers later we arrived at school, and went on with the next two weeks, during which time HC and my four year old accompanied me to various “NO ON 8” rallies; “no on 8, no on 8,” a battle cry still performed by my 4 year old whenever she sees the number 8, whether in the market, at school or in the movies.

So came the vote:  The “Yes” win was a shock and a huge upset; I had a lot more explaining to do; “mom is our marriage okay are we still married? (Our marriage is clearly viewed by my kids as a family event!) Then came one of the saddest moments in my life, on the day after the election, when HC came home from school and told me that her class teacher had told the group she had voted for John McCain. Living in Marin County California, I do believe the kids found this quite odd, and I explained we all have the right to vote as we choose. But then she announced, “Mom it is sooo weird Mrs. Ray also told the class that she voted “yes” on Prop 8; but I think she must have been just joking!”  

Well long story short, she was not joking – and my child was completely and utterly shattered.  Trying to hide her emotions for the next three weeks, I noticed a big change. She was not so keen about school. In fact after a week with a substitute teacher she came home devastated that he was leaving. I realized it was less about the loss of the sub teacher and more about Mrs. Ray’s return.

Despite my promise to HC to keep hush, “I flew like a bat out of hell” to see the Principal, who, ironically an “out” lesbian, was not surprised to see me show up on the issue; she mentioned that I was the fourth parent to complain about this lack of discretion on the part of the teacher. I explained that my child was extremely conflicted in trying to reconcile her respect and admiration for her teacher with her love and pride for her family. My child moved classroom and she adores her new teacher.

Fortunately, HC is back to being her happy self, but a deep and profound wound has been inflicted on her free and safe spirit.   If proposition 8 is upheld by the pending judicial decision, I truly believe that my child will suffer more emotional harm, through the perceived aberration of her family. It is so unjust and so unfair. Our children do not deserve to be the political pawns of the divisive and fearful bigots and religious right in our country.  We are family values and we are entitled to equality. My children are facts of life and they cannot be relegated to some second class category that diminishes us as a family. As a Mom I vow to carry on fighting for the sameness my babies, by virtue of their very existence deserve.

I have to show my child that our family is worth fighting for and that anything short of complete equality is simply not good enough.  I think this story illustrates the far reaching effects of de jure disqualification and the de facto reality of inequality. Whether we receive equal rights or not, nothing will derogate from the fact that we are here; us, our wives and our kids and nothing can or will ever change that simple fact.

Until such time as DOMA disappears, Prop 8 ditched- every US State allows gay marriage -our children will be marginalized as my daughter was when her teacher basically told her –‘You are not the same – you are not entitled.

So good forces I leave it to you….. remember we are all deserve our little bit of the “right to pursue happiness”

UPDATE;  The case was lost – yet I am feeling good. Its failure and the passage of 8 has awakened the beast and it has brought attention to LGBT equality in a big way.  It has highlighted the complexity of piecemeal legislation and the need to provide legislation that is uniform to provide civil rights and equality for all LGBT people in the USA.

Please Mr. President No Mere Nods – we have our Vehicle to Repeal DOMA Now!

Re-BLOG and as amended- Lezgetreal -770 views   on this post

In your acknowledgment herein-below of our de facto existence is it not time to equate with more than a mere nod, with our de jure rights?

Now that Rep. Jerrold Nadler has provided the vehicle, by way of Respect for Marriage Bill- you have the opportunity, Mr. President to speed up this repeal of DOMA.  I call on all our leaders, the progressive Democrats, our Senators who care, to throw caution to the wind, to show courage and to implore upon the President and Congress that this state of affairs, namely silence, omission and inaction is tantamount to the condoning of the hardship the LGBT community suffers each and every day.

There is no time to wait – equality is an issue of paramount importance.  It is fundamental to our standing in the global community. It is imoerative to our human rights record.  What could be nore important than equality of all citizens and residents of his Country.  The only legitimate argument against marriage is the religious one – and that excuse for denying rights is tantamount to  merging church and state.

In this Statement from the White House you acknoweldge  us as (sam-sex) parents – yet for long as you remain unmoved and inactive regarding our ability to marry, you are overtly denying the very children you tout concern and care for, a very basic right – to have their parents marry. Have you also fallen prey to the notion that it is okay to acknowledge us ‘de facto’  but to disregard us ‘de jure’?   This White House Statement reflects the USA condoning  this serous inequity. As a lesbian  mom with two small children,  as one of the special 18,000 whose marriage holds precariously legal in California, I ask you to “please MOVE THAT BUS” so we can see the renovation you were so eager to promise!

So Please Mr. President keep your word and provide children of same-sex parents with equality by way of recognition.

“THE WHITE HOUSE”
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release September 28, 2009

FAMILY DAY, 2009

- – – – – – -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

Our family provides one of the strongest influences on our lives. American families from every walk of life have taught us time and again that children raised in loving, caring homes have the ability to reject negative behaviors and reach their highest potential. Whether children are raised by two parents, a single parent, grandparents, a same-sex couple, or a guardian, families encourage us to do our best and enable us to accomplish great things. Today, our children are confronting issues of drug and alcohol use with astonishing regularity. On Family Day, we honor the dedication of parents, commend the achievements of their children, and celebrate the contributions our Nation’s families have made to combat substance abuse among young people.

The 21st century presents families with unprecedented challenges. Millions of women and men are struggling to balance the demands of their jobs with the needs of their families. At the same time, our youngest generation faces countless distractions in their social environment. They are coming of age in a world where electronic devices have replaced the playground, televisions have preempted conversation, and pressure to use drug and alcohol is far too prevalent. Parents bear significant stress and burdens to protect their children from harmful influences.

It is our responsibility to talk with adolescents about the risks of abusing alcohol, tobacco, or prescription and illicit drugs, and other harmful behaviors. These substances can destroy the mind, body, and spirit of a child, jeopardizing their healthand limiting their potential. Active parents, voicing their disapproval of drug use, have proven themselves to be the most effective preventative method for keeping our children drug-free. A strong and engaged family can make all the difference in helping young people make healthy decisions. By coming together as a family and discussing the events of the day, parents can foster open communication, share joys and concerns, and help guide their children toward healthy decisionmaking. A strong nation is made up of strong families, and on this Family Day, we rededicate ourselves to ensuring that every American family has the chance to build a better, healthier future for themselves and their children.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim September 28, 2009, as Family Day. I call upon the people of the United States to join together in observing this day with appropriate ceremonies and activities to honor and strengthen our Nation’s families.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-eighth day of September, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.

BARACK OBAMA “

 //